she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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