So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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