I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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