i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
