I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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