weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
