I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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