shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize