I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
