ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
