The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
