??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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