Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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