Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
