dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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