what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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