just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
