My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
