Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
