the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
