Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
