Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
