apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
