This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
