i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
