Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
