Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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