i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
