I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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