I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
