Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
