And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
