4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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