Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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