tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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