apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
