2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
