Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize