i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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