life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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