he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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