I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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