Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Success! We fucked roommates!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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