Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize