At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize