i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
