Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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