I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i was born a porn star she said
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
