Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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