Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
