And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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