I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
