I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
