So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
