I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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