I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize