So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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