When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
