We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
