Can i not drive my cunt home
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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