Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
