I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize