It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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