she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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