He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
