He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
